"...and her face was no longer downcast."

One of the biggest wake-up calls I've had from scripture recently has been this: in the place of broken-heartedness, is God truly my comfort?

At the beginning of 1 Samuel, we see Hannah's oppression. She was one of two wives, and whilst it says she was the most loved, she was unable to have children. The other wife, Peninnah, would bully her.
 "...her rival kept provoking her in order to irritate her. This went on year after year. Whenever Hannah went up to the house of the Lord, her rival provoked her until she wept and wouldn't eat.." (1Sam 1:7)
"In her deep anguish, Hannah prayed to the Lord, weeping bitterly. [She said] "I am a woman who is deeply troubled... I was pouring out my soul to the Lord, I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief." (1Sam 1:10-16)

Hannah was broken-hearted over her lack - she faced bullying, provocation and comparison everyday. But she brought her pain and desire before the Lord and committed it to Him. She was persistent and fervent, praying to God directly from that place of suffering and presenting her heart before Him - exactly as it was.

She found comfort and relief in the presence of God, and the evidence of this is in the change in her behaviour afterwards - not only did she start eating again, but
her whole countenance and attitude changed.

"Her face was no longer downcast." (1Sam 1:18b)

Freedom from self.

I recently read a tiny book by Tim Keller called ‘The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness’. The book really is little, but what it's saying is huge.

The book is based on 1 Corinthians 3:21-4:7 where Paul talks about where we get our identity from. Basically, Paul writes that he doesn't care what others think of him, or even what he thinks of himself:  he cares only for what God thinks of him.

Keller observes the difference between what we see here, and how our society prescribes self worth. Today, we are generally told we have low self-esteem, and the ideal is a sky-high self-image. In the past it was the opposite. In Greek society, hubris - or pride - was the root of all evil.

Keller argues that in fact neither of these ideas can be correct, and Paul demonstrates this in how he lived his life.

In several letters, Paul underlines how weak he is and how many problems he faces.

"Jesus Christ came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am chief." (1 Timothy 1:15)

If I knew that I was a terrible person, it would lower my self-esteem. But Paul doesn't care. He is incredibly confident in his letters, and remains one of the most influential people in history.

Paul’s self-image rested on what God said about him. There are countless verses in the Bible talking about God's love for us, and more than that - we know that when He looks at us He sees His son Jesus. 

The moment we believe, God says "This is my son with whom I am well pleased." (Matthew 3:17)

This is the difference between Christians and the rest of the world: with everyone else you act right, work hard and then you get the good verdict. They try to get their self-image from being a good person, so they work hard and then get a verdict from either their own ideology, or others, that confirms they are a good person. It's the same for Atheists, Buddhists, Muslims or people from any other religion.

Tim Keller's book reminded me a lot of Max Lucado's 'You are Special'. Lucado makes exactly the same point in a great way for children but Keller really goes into it and expands it for adults. It's definitely worth paying 99p for the ebook from Amazon. He explains it all a lot better than me and uses quotes from C.S. Lewis, Soren Kierkegaard and even Madonna.

"By my Spirit"

In the book of Judges, Gideon is instructed by an angel of God to save Israel from the Midianites. The Lord encourages him, and repeatedly tells Gideon that He will be there with him: "Go in the strength you have...I will be with you." (Judges 6:14-16) Gideon's honesty with the Lord in appealing to Him for encouraging signs is what comes through in this section, but I've been unable to take my mind off what happens next.

Judges 7:2 (TNIV)
'The Lord said to Gideon "you have too many men. I cannot deliver Midian into their hands, or Israel would boast against me 'my own strength has saved me."'

God knows us so intricately. He has such an innate understanding of human weakness that he is able to predict our pride. God can see when it will flare up, and sabotage our walk with Him - so, He works out our circumstances to protect us from it.

Otherwise, we are tempted to think that any success we have is due to our own skill, ability and works, rather than a gift given to us by His grace. The Bible says:

(Zechariah 4:6+10)
"Not by might nor by power, but by my spirit." says the Lord...
Who dares despise the days of small things...?"

The Word tells us that God's style is to use small beginnings and despised things to point towards His glory, and to keep us close to His heart, because we are unable to do anything alone. 

We are not given the full picture of how He will cause His Kingdom to come to earth, we are only given the enormous honour of participating in the process.

Examine the things you are trying to do; if you had all the answers, resources and skills to accomplish them from the outset, rather than finding them in the journey according to His plan, how would pride affect you?

Happy Wednesday!

Fear is a liar.

Paul's letters intimidate me. He was moved to do extraordinary things because of his love for Jesus, and he wrote from his prison cell to his fellow followers of Christ, trying to encourage them.

His boldness, despite his discouraging circumstances, feels impossible to imitate. He was a pretty hard act to follow.

He said in Phillipians 3:7-8:

"But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things."

He is saying that he actually refuses to let anything stand in the way of spreading the word about Jesus, because the fears that would stop him simply fade into insignificance when he compares them with the love Jesus has shown him.

When we look at applying this to our own lives, it can be easy to choose for the words stay on the page. If we're feeling really holy, maybe we could underline them.

But I believe that Paul really was trying to encourage us despite all his grand statements that can seem so terrifying - and this is why: Paul reveals to us his secret.

He also felt insufficient, he also felt scared.

(Phillipians 1:20) "I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or death."

Paul was not a naturally brave person. Instead, he was expectant.

He recognised that he lacked courage, but knew he could ask God for it with full confidence. All the bravery that he demonstrated was not his, but came from God, for His glory.

We don't need to be salesmen of God's love. We just need to tell it.

Someone once said to me something that I think can be applied to this trail of thought:


'The truth is like a lion. Once you set it free, it can defend itself.'

The Art of Thankfulness.

This week I've been revisiting Genesis. It always makes me surprised when people say that the Bible is boring, because Genesis is wild.

Anyway... I was reading about Jacob, and his two wives. Rachel was his favourite, and he got tricked into marrying Leah, who he didn't care about.

Genesis 29:31-35
"When the Lord saw that Leah was not loved, he enabled her to conceive, but Rachel remained childless. Leah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Reuben, for she said, 'it is because the Lord has seen my misery. Surely my husband will love me now.'
She conceived again, and when she gave birth to a son she said, 'Because the Lord heard that I am not loved, he gave me this one too.' So she named him Simeon.
Again she conceived, and when she gave birth to a son she said, 'Now at last my husband will become attached to me, because I have borne him three sons.' So he was named Levi.
She conceived again, and when she gave birth to a son she said, 'This time I will praise the Lord.' So she named him Judah.

Then she stopped having children."

 I personally think that when reading the Old Testament, we must be aware that it talks about life under the old promise that God had with his people - not the new one that we live in after Jesus changed everything.

However, we can definitely draw some important lessons from the Old Testament, and this is why I wanted to share this story.

Leah was chasing after love from her husband, and she couldn't see past her desire for this - it made her miserable. God kept blessing her, giving her what she needed to be joyful, but she couldn't accept it because she was till striving to earn her husband's love.

God was developing in her a thankful spirit despite her circumstances, and  it is only when she makes the conscious choice to rejoice and thank God that his purpose is fulfilled in her.

I think that this reveals some of God's heart towards us his children:

He is a patient and gentle teacher - Leah didn't get the message straightaway, she had four sons before she learnt to be thankful. God didn't give up, he kept blessing her because he knew her character perfectly, and understood what was necessary for her to learn.

 He wants us to be happy - He saw Leah's misery, and that was not what he had planned for. When we learn the art of thankfulness, it breaks our attitude of misery and teaches us how to be content. 

I will run to you.

I have a baby nephew. He's now 2 years old, and when he started walking, we had a favourite game.

I would kneel down and open my arms to him, and he would back away further and further. Then, all of a sudden, he would run shouting and laughing and launch himself into my arms. I loved being able to sweep him up and carry him around and show him he was loved.

He would run to me again and again and each time was just as exciting and beautiful as the last - I never got tired of him coming back to me.

Every time I come running back to God, I feel as though the number of chances he will offer me when I screw up are limited - as though they will one day run out. But he reminded me of this game, and actually this is how he feels about us.

When we understand love, we understand human love. It's difficult to think of it as something infinitely huge and more powerful than that. Yet if I never got tired of sweeping my nephew up in love, can you imagine how much more our Father is calling us into his arms?

He will never say 'enough now. I don't have anymore love to give you.' He is always calling us back to himself, always asking us to come closer. When we run back to him, ashamed and broken, he will always sweep us up in his love. We only have to look at the example of the prodigal son to see that this is true.

Luke 15:20
"But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him."

Love.

Today, I couldn't stop thinking about God's tenderness. He has the capacity to rage and storm Old-Testament-style: plagues and wrath and smiting left right and center. Yet he is so infinitely gentle and careful with us.

A while ago, a friend posted to me a love letter from God (which was copied from here.) The letter is knitted together with quotes from the Bible, and the references for each sentence are on the site.

In case, like me, you also lose sight from time to time of the lengths to which God went to win us - this is for you.
_________________________________________

"You may not know me, but I know everything about you. I know when you sit down and when you rise up. I am familiar with all your ways. Even the very hairs on your head are numbered.

For you were made in my image. In me, you live and move and have your being, for you are my offspring. I knew you even before you were conceived, and I chose you when I planned creation.

You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book. I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. I knit you together in your mother's womb and brought you forth on the day you were born.

I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me. I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love. And it is my desire to lavish my love on you, simply because you are my child and I am your Father. I offer you more than your earthly father ever could, for I am the perfect father. Every good gift you receive comes from my hand, for I am your provider and I meet all your needs.

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope, because I love you with an everlasting love. My thoughts towards you are countless as the sand on the seashore, and I rejoice over you with singing.

I will never stop doing good to you for you are my treasured possession. I desire to establish you with all my heart and soul, and I want to show you great and marvelous things.

If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me. Delight in me, and I will give you the desires of your heart. For it is I who gave you those desires. I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine, for I am your greatest encourager.

I am also the father who comforts you in all your troubles. When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you. As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart. One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes, and I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth. I am your father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus.,

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed. He is the exact representation of my being. He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you, and to tell you that I am not counting your sins. Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled. His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you, I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love.

If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me and nothing will ever separate you from my love again. I have always been Father, and will always be Father. My question is, will you be my child? I am waiting for you."

Happy Tuesday!

The 'Perfect' Christian

Christians are p e r f e c t.

Our lives, our perspectives, our hearts: perfect. Right?

Or not.

Many of us wait for perfection out of our own efforts, for lifestyle tweaks that we have no intention of carrying out anytime soon, not wanting to be that Christian who still struggles with addiction or depression or apathy. It's almost as if we think perfection can be achieved by humans, and that becoming perfect is a requirement before we are allowed to come before God and call ourselves Christian.

Only God has perfection down, and the rest of us still have a long way to go. But did you know that God doesn’t actually want you perfect? He wants you just as you are. He has had His arms open, waiting for you to come home, for a long time.

Giving your life to Christ won't make you perfect. We don’t wake up the morning after 'the decision' without the troubles, flaws or people that make life difficult; instead, we wake up on a different path to where we were before. This path has a light, this path has a hand to hold and this path has people in front of us cheering us on.

I’ve spent a lot of my life hiding behind a mask, always laughing, always giving other people advice and pretending that I don’t have any troubles myself. But behind closed doors I would hate a lot of things about myself. My biggest fear was that people would not accept me if they knew what I struggled with, or that they didn’t care. I often felt alone even when I had friends around me. I go to a big church, and there would be times when I wouldn’t go for several weeks and no one would even have noticed.

The first time I started feeling lonely I ran away from church; the second time, I took on project after project in an attempt to distract myself from thinking about what was troubling me. I couldn’t understand why I felt so down, and kept searching for answers and fulfillment in other things. The Bible turned out to be my last resort. I decided to read Romans, and as I read, I felt a peace wash over me. God reminded me that He was the hole I was trying to fill, He was what was missing from my life. It didn’t matter how many projects I took on or how many times I tried to run away from Church, God was the only solution.

I know that my life isn't perfect. I have struggled with depression for a lot of my life, and many times throughout the year, especially in winter, I find myself battling with depressive thoughts. But God constantly reminds me that I am on a journey. My struggles have actually made me stronger and have reminded me that everyone faces challenges. God is there for us, to help us overcome them: our strength, purpose and hope is found in Him.

We cannot expect to gain from the world, something that the world never possessed to give. God is the author of perfection, and it is He who writes our stories.

Encouragement...

Don’t focus on the flaws that you have. God made you in His image!
 “So God created mankind in his own image” Genesis 1:27

Tell someone your struggles. When I told my friends what I was going through, most of them had either been through it or were going through the exact same thing. One of the enemy's most powerful lies is to convince us that we are alone - but that is all it is: a lie. “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” Proverbs 18:24



Jesus didn't come for perfect people: if he did, he wouldn't find any. He came as God's perfect rescue plan for us: the flawed, the broken, the hurting and the lost.
"It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but those who are ill. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance." Luke 5:31-32